Day two. Visions of sugar plums dancing in my head?

     Today is my second day of blogging. So far, so good. I haven't given up yet. Which I have the tendency to do. Today I got out of the house. This is not a common occurence. I don't have a job so I don't have any motivation to leave the house. I'd rather not anyway. At some point the mob came in, set me in cement shoes, and then went for spagetti. They haven't been back and the energy it takes to drag myself somewhere just doesn't seem worth it. But I had group for the first time today. It started last week but my therapist failed to tell me. It was two hours of boredom and aggravation. Now I realize that because I have a Psychology degree myself and 25 years of therapy I know more than most. Therefore, I'm going to have heard or studied a great deal of things that will be discussed. Ergo, the boredom.
     As I have said, I know a lot about this psychology stuff. But I'm not going to take over the class. Even if the therapists are a bore and the Bristish one doesn't even know what dodgeball is. But Jocelyn, a fellow classmate, apparently thinks she is an expert having already gone through the process once.  I found her interruptions and "sage thoughts" a pain in the ass. Ironically, they kept telling us to be nonjudgemental. That even telling someone they are pretty is a judgement. Yeah, I'm questioning this therapy thing also. But there I sat thinking, "Shut up you know-it-all, attention needy, rude, and inappropriate headache of a woman!" Then I remembered sugar plums. When we get upset we are suppose to use mindful thinking and exercises. One such exercise is to go somewhere else in your head. I love Georgia so I went there. Again and again and, well, you get the point. Luckily, the sugar plums clogged the filter and nothing BPD induced passed my lips or took control of my car in the parking lot.  Unfortunately I wasn't entirely successful in "blowing it off." We BPDers can't do that. I'm sure there was a healthy alternative to how I self-soothed (that's what they call it) myself but I went for retail therapy. Or grocery therapy as it turned out. Ninety one dollars is a lot to spend on very little food. Wow, I just realized I made another therapy blunder. I bought food and did not "mindfully eat" it. As in, concoct a healthy, well portioned dinner. At this point I would be called out on being judgemental about myself. Is this making sense to anyone else?
     On a positive note I did get one good thing done today. I went to VWCC and requested my transcripts for when I go back to school. One college down, two more to go. I have my individual therapy on Thursday so hopefully afterwards I can pick up some meds and either get some of my taxes done or renew my license. Goals are good. And I should have ample time to practice "mindfulness" at the DMV and/or IRS. Here's to visions of sugar plums on Thursday!